I’ve been reflecting lately on what being an athlete means to me. Merriam-Webster defines “athlete” as: a person who is trained or skilled in exercises, sports, or games requiring physical strength, agility, or stamina. Coming up on my 30th birthday, I have been swimming competitively for almost 20 years. I played soccer, volleyball, and basketball growing up. I am coming up on my 10th season in triathlon. It’s safe to say I am competitive. However I never really identified, inwardly anyway, as an athlete until recently. The definition above lists physical strength, agility OR stamina, but an athlete to me is someone who has all three.

So, I can’t be an athlete because I’m a quitter. Or I was. When things got tough, painful, frustrating, I QUIT. Either my mind would give up, or my body would (mostly my lungs, which is probably partly due to swimming in poorly ventilated pools for 20 years but whatever..), or a mind/body combination would take over and I was completely out of the game. I wanted to be good at what I did, but I didn’t want to have to push myself out of my comfort zone to achieve “goodness”, whatever that meant at the time. Thankfully for me, I was generally pretty “good” at what I did despite my unwillingness to actually push myself anywhere. To me, though, good was only a word that had value respective to others. I was only good if I was better than someone else.

I feel I became an athlete when I stopped worrying about being good, and started trying to be better. I don’t need to be better than anyone else, but I need to be a better, the best, version of myself. The reason why I push myself every day training for triathlon is not so I can be faster than anyone else. I don’t lift weights or do my cardio workouts to be fitter, or lighter, or more anything than anyone else. I do these things because I used to refuse. I quit. When something was too much for me I just said, “nah.” If I was afraid to fail at something I just didn’t even try in the first place. But, I wanted to be an athlete. I needed STAMINA. I needed to prove to myself that I was CAPABLE.

I learned how to get tough. I still have my moments, but I am learning how to push through. Zone 5 run got my lungs on fire? Scale it back a bit, get the breathing under control, and carry on. Weights in my hand or on my shoulders causing my muscles to fail? That means I pushed myself to my limit. Things tough at work or at home? Head down, figure it out, and carry on. Fitness is about so much more, especially for women, than trying to be as small or as light as possible. Get as STRONG as possible. Get as TOUGH as possible. Whatever those words mean to you individually, become that.

I feel like maybe this post has gone slightly off the rails, but I hope it resonates with you.

Just, whatever you do, don’t quit.